On Music/Art Criticism

I've been thinking a lot about this soapbox issue of mine. I'd just like to remind everyone that no type of music is inherently superior than another and just like anything else, all preferences are valid. That being said, let's also remember that you can be a fan of a musician/band/artist and not like a certain piece of theirs for whatever reason. "Not liking" is not the same as passing a jugement on whether something is good or bad. Who has the authority to call something good or bad art, really? There's a difference in not liking something and saying it has no worth, a statement which I believe is just not true when it comes to most art. All art matters to someone, somewhere, which means it's worth something. Unless it is hurtful or harmful, hating art is rather like hating a Teddy Bear; altogether useless and unnecessarily aggressive.

I can’t understand why people assume feminists hate men

at least if I look at myself and all of the feminists I’ve met.

I freaking LOVE men. They’re beautiful and smell good and if a guy is intelligent and passionate and good at something I’m dead. I’m just dead. I’m putty.

I think that a lot of feminists are women that ADORE men, and I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I think that’s why it’s so upsetting when guys are misogynists or defend patriarchy; I just want to be friends with you and/or kiss your face and tell you that you’re awesome. Not are you being decidedly UN-awesome when you do shit like that, but you’re essentially telling me I’m not as important as you because I don’t deserve to live as a fully fledged citizen. It hurts. If you’re hurting me, of course I’m going to react. How can we be friends or lovers if one of us is being treated like we aren’t worthy of rights, let alone friendship or love?

How Do YOU Protect Yourself?

Hopefully this can be a good resource for people to prevent being sexually assaulted. I kept shaming behaviors (e.g. “Don’t sleep around” or “Dress modestly” off this list because that's stupid.) It shouldn’t be our job and the solution is to teach people NOT TO RAPE, but in the meantime the only person that is guaranteed to be looking out for you is yourself. A lot of my tips are woman oriented because I use them or they are techniques my friends have used. Many were taught to me by my mother and her friends. Comment with applicable male equivalents if you have some tips of your own. Remember that these are just as important in the day as the night.

• Cross the street when a group of men are near you on vacant streets
• Hold your phone in one hand.
• Avoid eye contact with men, but don’t duck your head or shy away. Walk tall, fast, and look ahead and act like you have somewhere to be or someone to meet. Preferably on the side of the street facing traffic. Walk close to the curb if there are any doorways or allies.
• DO NOT walk around with both earbuds in.
• Try to avoid giving directions on a solitary street and don’t get near their car.
• Carry keys between your knuckles as a potential weapon
• Invest in keychain mace, stun lights, stun guns, or tasers (check state restrictions)
• Watch defense tutorials
• If you have to walk home and you’re wearing heels, change into closed toe flats or sneakers when you leave work/a party so you can run if necessary
• On dates with new men, leave a post it note with the address and name of the bar you’re meeting at/his house by your phone or computer in case you disappear. Also, use the buddy system. Have at least one dependable friend that can check in on you every 45 minutes or so during the night and tell her to call the police if you don’t respond within the hour. Use code words to let her know if you need help.
• Always have an escape route.
• Locate your car quickly. Walk directly there, glancing underneath it as you approach. ALWAYS check the backseat before you get in, close and lock the door IMMEDIATELY and leave. NEVER approach your car from the passenger’s side; I know of a women that was pulled into a car parked next her in an assault attempt.
• NEVER set your drink down at parties. Use the buddy system and check in every so often. Keep your hand on top of the opening or thumb over the nozzle when carrying it around and never give it to anyone else; even a friend may forget to place her hand over it.
• Don’t open doors to salesmen and if you do, ask for ID. When signing for a package or attending to someone needing help, close the door behind you and don’t let on that you’re alone. Use peepholes.
• Only put your last name on mailboxes if absolutely necessary.
• If you live in an apartment, avoid being in the laundry room, stairways or garage by yourself.
• Don’t prop doors open and keep blinds closed at night.
• Plan bus/subway routes so that you get off at the busiest and well-lit stops.
• Try to avoid having the same daily routine; assaulters are often neighbors.
• If you’re on a campus, take advantage of walking-buddy programs like UT’s SURE walk, where they send a male and female to walk you to your dorm/off-campus housing between 10pm and 2pm
• If on the elevator, stay near the buttons so you can press for the next floor if you feel nervous or need to use the emergency button

Another Day, Another Brush With Street Harassment

I was just paying for my gas, and already on my guard because the rude men I had to walk past to get IN to the store that didn’t waver their blatant staring even once I got through the glass doors. As I swiped my card, I felt a nudge on the bottom of my butt. Startled, I look back over my shoulder and see that it’s a service dog. I turned back to paying, figuring the owner wasn’t paying attention or something. But I was wrong. Only a second had passed before the middle aged man said to his dog, “Oh, no boy. I know she has a nice one, but don’t do that.”

Anger and embarrassment immediately flushed my face. I turned around. There were 3 other men in line behind him just standing there watching and a man behind the counter waiting for me to take the receipt from his hand. I was the only woman in the store. Nobody said anything, not that I ever expected them to. They never do.

“Woooow. Ho-kay.” I said loudly in attempt to SOMEHOW express the frustration this IN ALL WAYS UNNECESSARY disrespect was filling me with. I snatched my receipt and crumpled it into a ball as I got out of there as quickly as I could, but even that wasn’t enough. I had to fixedly stare at my tank while filling up, heavily regretting having bought so much gas as he watched me, smoking one of his newly-bought cigarettes with another man. It was only a few minutes before the pump stopped and I could leave, but it felt like forever.

After I drove home, I sat in my driveway fuming. I couldn’t understand why I was so much angrier than when this usually happens. I felt confused. Was I being insensitive and ableist against this man who obviously had a service dog for a reason? I tried to think of non-visible disorders that might prompt involuntary or inappropriate speech, like tourettes. Even so, would that excuse his actions? Why did I feel so disappointed that once again, harassment was being treated as normal by the cashier and men in line? Every time this happens to me (several times a week, no matter what I’m wearing or if they can even see my face), I think the same thing. What makes them think this is okay? Why do people just stand there?

The only times someone has stood up for me in instances like this have happened when I was dating someone, and though well-intentioned, it was always a demonstration of ownership or a claiming of property of sorts against someone that was looking at me (aka ‘his girlfriend’) too hard or too long. As it follows, I don’t know why I had any hope this instance might be different than any other time. I don’t know why I looked at the cashier and the other men in line (who were watching this occur, who didn’t even have the decency to pretend they didn’t see what was happening) and felt indignant that they didn’t so much as roll their eyes at the gall of the cretin that was being so gross to a girl who is young enough to be his daughter.

WAS I overreacting? These are still questions I can’t exactly answer, but I have a feeling that it was because this instance was a particularly effective example of the many factors that come into play with street harassment. We were in a public place, where I couldn’t react strongly and as the lone female, I would be responding in a stereotypically “oversensitive, emotional” (read: feminine) way. The comment wasn’t made TO me, as you would addressing a person, but ABOUT ME, as if talking about an object. He sexualized a non-sexual action (sniffing is a typical dog behavior) and a sexualized my body without permission. He announced his opinion on my body without permission drawing attention to and making a public statement on a private part of my body and therefore inviting the (internal) judgement of every other man in the area in a way that probably wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t made such a comment about my body.

All of these things are part of what differentiates a compliment from harassment, disrespect, or objectification. If it was simply a matter of complimenting someone, then it wouldn’t only be women who were victims, the victims wouldn’t feel so universally threatened, and people wouldn’t be so defensive when asked to stop. Straight men would commonly comment on the bodies and appearance of other men in the same way that they did to women if the comments weren’t sexually charged or expressions of power, because a comment of a non-sexual nature wouldn’t put the perception of their sexuality in jeopardy, would it?

In reality, this is a lot tamer than what I and other women are used to. I was in to real danger, no matter how I felt. However it’s important to acknowledge that this example, even in it’s mildest possible form, isn’t okay. Street harassment is at the very least bullying and at the most, a form of threatening and intimidation; either way, it’s ALWAYS a demonstration of the thorough reality that is our patriarchal culture.

There is no free pass for privilege

I’m sorry but you just don’t get to pretend that you don’t have a certain privilege just because you are also oppressed. If you’re a man but also gay, you are STILL someone that benefits from male privilege. I am a white woman, and although I’m a woman, I sure as hell benefit from white privilege. There is no voiding system. You just have it. Claim it, recognize it’s bullshit, speak against it and move on.

I hate when I see people breastfeeding in public

I’m grossed out by unexpected exposure to the nudity of strangers and by the concept of something sucking liquid out of your body and I don’t want to see it or hear it.

But guess what?

That’s my problem. Not theirs.


If I have an issue I can turn away or leave the room.

They have the right to breastfeed their children wherever they want, whenever they want, wearing what they want for however long they see fit and I don’t have to like it but I sure don’t have the right to tell them they can’t or shouldn’t. People are allowed to do whatever the hell they want with their breasts and the only relevant opinion is their own.

CELEBRITY HATE (or, Can Anyone Give Me An Actual Reason to Hate Zooey Deschanel?)

Or any other person, celebrity or no that isn’t racist, sexist, or other kind of hateful?

Because I’m pretty sure that just because you don’t like someone’s art or image doesn’t give you the right to spew vitriolic hate.

How is Kim Kardashian’s marriage or how Justin Beiber sings a legitimate reason for you to say awful things about them? Is your life so boring that you have to be hateful to strangers? They’re people with jobs and lives. They’re not even like politicians, where if they’re elected you’re directly affected by their decisions. If you don't like their work then, hmm...I don't know, DON’T LISTEN TO THEM/SEE THEIR MOVIES/READ THEIR BOOKS. DUH.

How is it okay to talk trash about people you have never and will never know when they’ve given you no substantial reason?

*spoiler*

It’s not.

Being hateful to someone that you don’t know, who hasn’t given you a good reason other than their existence annoying you (which isn’t even a good reason) is counterproductive to every social movement rooted in positivity, respect, and equality. It’s not oppression by any means, but it is prejudice based on literally nothing and mindless hate.

Am I making a bigger deal out of this than a situation warrants? Probably.

But I see it this way; All of the causes I care most about are based on uplifting people and giving everyone an equal opportunity to be happy and healthy JUST THE WAY THEY ARE, whether it’s how they’re born or how they choose to live. As long as it’s not hurting others, who gives a crap? I don’t think that stops at sexual orientation or weight or race or gender. If someone’s idea of beauty is facelifts and plastic boobs, then that’s how they feel beautiful. If someone has made a “quirky” image for themselves (whether it’s how they really are or not, which you don’t know them so who do you think you are to say either way…) that you don’t like, that sounds like a personal problem to me.

GOOD GOD, PEOPLE.

Can we just talk about how an older women that young men find attractive is a “cougar” or “MILF” while men get to be just…men?

like, why do we have to separate it and be like, “ONLY these older women are attractive, and the rest are just old”? Why isn’t there some qualifier about how only THIS type of older man is attractive to younger women? Why are men somehow exempt from age related desexualization? Men get sexier and more mature and worldly and that’s desirable; they’re encouraged and cheered on for continuing sexual activities and given Viagra to enable them. But when a woman gets older she is no longer considered beautiful and her sexual desires are conditionalized or considered abnormal/fetishized.

This is ridiculous.