I was just paying for my gas, and already on my guard because the rude men I had to walk past to get IN to the store that didn’t waver their blatant staring even once I got through the glass doors. As I swiped my card, I felt a nudge on the bottom of my butt. Startled, I look back over my shoulder and see that it’s a service dog. I turned back to paying, figuring the owner wasn’t paying attention or something. But I was wrong. Only a second had passed before the middle aged man said to his dog, “Oh, no boy. I know she has a nice one, but don’t do that.”
Anger and embarrassment immediately flushed my face. I turned around. There were 3 other men in line behind him just standing there watching and a man behind the counter waiting for me to take the receipt from his hand. I was the only woman in the store. Nobody said anything, not that I ever expected them to. They never do.
“Woooow. Ho-kay.” I said loudly in attempt to SOMEHOW express the frustration this IN ALL WAYS UNNECESSARY disrespect was filling me with. I snatched my receipt and crumpled it into a ball as I got out of there as quickly as I could, but even that wasn’t enough. I had to fixedly stare at my tank while filling up, heavily regretting having bought so much gas as he watched me, smoking one of his newly-bought cigarettes with another man. It was only a few minutes before the pump stopped and I could leave, but it felt like forever.
After I drove home, I sat in my driveway fuming. I couldn’t understand why I was so much angrier than when this usually happens. I felt confused. Was I being insensitive and ableist against this man who obviously had a service dog for a reason? I tried to think of non-visible disorders that might prompt involuntary or inappropriate speech, like tourettes. Even so, would that excuse his actions? Why did I feel so disappointed that once again, harassment was being treated as normal by the cashier and men in line? Every time this happens to me (several times a week, no matter what I’m wearing or if they can even see my face), I think the same thing. What makes them think this is okay? Why do people just stand there?
The only times someone has stood up for me in instances like this have happened when I was dating someone, and though well-intentioned, it was always a demonstration of ownership or a claiming of property of sorts against someone that was looking at me (aka ‘his girlfriend’) too hard or too long. As it follows, I don’t know why I had any hope this instance might be different than any other time. I don’t know why I looked at the cashier and the other men in line (who were watching this occur, who didn’t even have the decency to pretend they didn’t see what was happening) and felt indignant that they didn’t so much as roll their eyes at the gall of the cretin that was being so gross to a girl who is young enough to be his daughter.
WAS I overreacting? These are still questions I can’t exactly answer, but I have a feeling that it was because this instance was a particularly effective example of the many factors that come into play with street harassment. We were in a public place, where I couldn’t react strongly and as the lone female, I would be responding in a stereotypically “oversensitive, emotional” (read: feminine) way. The comment wasn’t made TO me, as you would addressing a person, but ABOUT ME, as if talking about an object. He sexualized a non-sexual action (sniffing is a typical dog behavior) and a sexualized my body without permission. He announced his opinion on my body without permission drawing attention to and making a public statement on a private part of my body and therefore inviting the (internal) judgement of every other man in the area in a way that probably wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t made such a comment about my body.
All of these things are part of what differentiates a compliment from harassment, disrespect, or objectification. If it was simply a matter of complimenting someone, then it wouldn’t only be women who were victims, the victims wouldn’t feel so universally threatened, and people wouldn’t be so defensive when asked to stop. Straight men would commonly comment on the bodies and appearance of other men in the same way that they did to women if the comments weren’t sexually charged or expressions of power, because a comment of a non-sexual nature wouldn’t put the perception of their sexuality in jeopardy, would it?
In reality, this is a lot tamer than what I and other women are used to. I was in to real danger, no matter how I felt. However it’s important to acknowledge that this example, even in it’s mildest possible form, isn’t okay. Street harassment is at the very least bullying and at the most, a form of threatening and intimidation; either way, it’s ALWAYS a demonstration of the thorough reality that is our patriarchal culture.
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