How to Pick Up Women AND Be An Ally

It’s definitely a misconception that being a male feminist means not making a move on a woman. What is important is HOW and WHEN you make that move.

If a woman is averting her gaze, busying herself, turning away (i.e., if her body language is saying, “I’d like to be left alone”) then leering or approaching or commenting on her looks is a purposeful disregard for her feelings and right to be left alone. It’s an invasion and an assertion of your power over her. Likewise, if you are in a dark or isolated area. On the street or in a parking garage is not the place to try and pick up a woman; you are Schrodinger’s Rapist.

HOWEVER

If a woman is looking around, making eye-contact, has an open posture and demeanor, then it’s perfectly fine to introduce yourself. This is NOT a comment on her body or a ‘pick up line’. This is, “Hey, that’s a great book” or “Hi, I’m _____”

What is key here is paying attention to your surroundings, to her body language, and to the manner in which you approach her. Two great articles on picking up women in a non-threatening and actually really effective way can be found here and here. Believe it or not, feminists want to help you pick up women! In fact, we ARE the women that want to be picked up, a lot of the time. But we also want to feel safe and respected.