I can’t understand why people assume feminists hate men

at least if I look at myself and all of the feminists I’ve met.

I freaking LOVE men. They’re beautiful and smell good and if a guy is intelligent and passionate and good at something I’m dead. I’m just dead. I’m putty.

I think that a lot of feminists are women that ADORE men, and I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I think that’s why it’s so upsetting when guys are misogynists or defend patriarchy; I just want to be friends with you and/or kiss your face and tell you that you’re awesome. Not are you being decidedly UN-awesome when you do shit like that, but you’re essentially telling me I’m not as important as you because I don’t deserve to live as a fully fledged citizen. It hurts. If you’re hurting me, of course I’m going to react. How can we be friends or lovers if one of us is being treated like we aren’t worthy of rights, let alone friendship or love?

How Do YOU Protect Yourself?

Hopefully this can be a good resource for people to prevent being sexually assaulted. I kept shaming behaviors (e.g. “Don’t sleep around” or “Dress modestly” off this list because that's stupid.) It shouldn’t be our job and the solution is to teach people NOT TO RAPE, but in the meantime the only person that is guaranteed to be looking out for you is yourself. A lot of my tips are woman oriented because I use them or they are techniques my friends have used. Many were taught to me by my mother and her friends. Comment with applicable male equivalents if you have some tips of your own. Remember that these are just as important in the day as the night.

• Cross the street when a group of men are near you on vacant streets
• Hold your phone in one hand.
• Avoid eye contact with men, but don’t duck your head or shy away. Walk tall, fast, and look ahead and act like you have somewhere to be or someone to meet. Preferably on the side of the street facing traffic. Walk close to the curb if there are any doorways or allies.
• DO NOT walk around with both earbuds in.
• Try to avoid giving directions on a solitary street and don’t get near their car.
• Carry keys between your knuckles as a potential weapon
• Invest in keychain mace, stun lights, stun guns, or tasers (check state restrictions)
• Watch defense tutorials
• If you have to walk home and you’re wearing heels, change into closed toe flats or sneakers when you leave work/a party so you can run if necessary
• On dates with new men, leave a post it note with the address and name of the bar you’re meeting at/his house by your phone or computer in case you disappear. Also, use the buddy system. Have at least one dependable friend that can check in on you every 45 minutes or so during the night and tell her to call the police if you don’t respond within the hour. Use code words to let her know if you need help.
• Always have an escape route.
• Locate your car quickly. Walk directly there, glancing underneath it as you approach. ALWAYS check the backseat before you get in, close and lock the door IMMEDIATELY and leave. NEVER approach your car from the passenger’s side; I know of a women that was pulled into a car parked next her in an assault attempt.
• NEVER set your drink down at parties. Use the buddy system and check in every so often. Keep your hand on top of the opening or thumb over the nozzle when carrying it around and never give it to anyone else; even a friend may forget to place her hand over it.
• Don’t open doors to salesmen and if you do, ask for ID. When signing for a package or attending to someone needing help, close the door behind you and don’t let on that you’re alone. Use peepholes.
• Only put your last name on mailboxes if absolutely necessary.
• If you live in an apartment, avoid being in the laundry room, stairways or garage by yourself.
• Don’t prop doors open and keep blinds closed at night.
• Plan bus/subway routes so that you get off at the busiest and well-lit stops.
• Try to avoid having the same daily routine; assaulters are often neighbors.
• If you’re on a campus, take advantage of walking-buddy programs like UT’s SURE walk, where they send a male and female to walk you to your dorm/off-campus housing between 10pm and 2pm
• If on the elevator, stay near the buttons so you can press for the next floor if you feel nervous or need to use the emergency button

Another Day, Another Brush With Street Harassment

I was just paying for my gas, and already on my guard because the rude men I had to walk past to get IN to the store that didn’t waver their blatant staring even once I got through the glass doors. As I swiped my card, I felt a nudge on the bottom of my butt. Startled, I look back over my shoulder and see that it’s a service dog. I turned back to paying, figuring the owner wasn’t paying attention or something. But I was wrong. Only a second had passed before the middle aged man said to his dog, “Oh, no boy. I know she has a nice one, but don’t do that.”

Anger and embarrassment immediately flushed my face. I turned around. There were 3 other men in line behind him just standing there watching and a man behind the counter waiting for me to take the receipt from his hand. I was the only woman in the store. Nobody said anything, not that I ever expected them to. They never do.

“Woooow. Ho-kay.” I said loudly in attempt to SOMEHOW express the frustration this IN ALL WAYS UNNECESSARY disrespect was filling me with. I snatched my receipt and crumpled it into a ball as I got out of there as quickly as I could, but even that wasn’t enough. I had to fixedly stare at my tank while filling up, heavily regretting having bought so much gas as he watched me, smoking one of his newly-bought cigarettes with another man. It was only a few minutes before the pump stopped and I could leave, but it felt like forever.

After I drove home, I sat in my driveway fuming. I couldn’t understand why I was so much angrier than when this usually happens. I felt confused. Was I being insensitive and ableist against this man who obviously had a service dog for a reason? I tried to think of non-visible disorders that might prompt involuntary or inappropriate speech, like tourettes. Even so, would that excuse his actions? Why did I feel so disappointed that once again, harassment was being treated as normal by the cashier and men in line? Every time this happens to me (several times a week, no matter what I’m wearing or if they can even see my face), I think the same thing. What makes them think this is okay? Why do people just stand there?

The only times someone has stood up for me in instances like this have happened when I was dating someone, and though well-intentioned, it was always a demonstration of ownership or a claiming of property of sorts against someone that was looking at me (aka ‘his girlfriend’) too hard or too long. As it follows, I don’t know why I had any hope this instance might be different than any other time. I don’t know why I looked at the cashier and the other men in line (who were watching this occur, who didn’t even have the decency to pretend they didn’t see what was happening) and felt indignant that they didn’t so much as roll their eyes at the gall of the cretin that was being so gross to a girl who is young enough to be his daughter.

WAS I overreacting? These are still questions I can’t exactly answer, but I have a feeling that it was because this instance was a particularly effective example of the many factors that come into play with street harassment. We were in a public place, where I couldn’t react strongly and as the lone female, I would be responding in a stereotypically “oversensitive, emotional” (read: feminine) way. The comment wasn’t made TO me, as you would addressing a person, but ABOUT ME, as if talking about an object. He sexualized a non-sexual action (sniffing is a typical dog behavior) and a sexualized my body without permission. He announced his opinion on my body without permission drawing attention to and making a public statement on a private part of my body and therefore inviting the (internal) judgement of every other man in the area in a way that probably wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t made such a comment about my body.

All of these things are part of what differentiates a compliment from harassment, disrespect, or objectification. If it was simply a matter of complimenting someone, then it wouldn’t only be women who were victims, the victims wouldn’t feel so universally threatened, and people wouldn’t be so defensive when asked to stop. Straight men would commonly comment on the bodies and appearance of other men in the same way that they did to women if the comments weren’t sexually charged or expressions of power, because a comment of a non-sexual nature wouldn’t put the perception of their sexuality in jeopardy, would it?

In reality, this is a lot tamer than what I and other women are used to. I was in to real danger, no matter how I felt. However it’s important to acknowledge that this example, even in it’s mildest possible form, isn’t okay. Street harassment is at the very least bullying and at the most, a form of threatening and intimidation; either way, it’s ALWAYS a demonstration of the thorough reality that is our patriarchal culture.

There is no free pass for privilege

I’m sorry but you just don’t get to pretend that you don’t have a certain privilege just because you are also oppressed. If you’re a man but also gay, you are STILL someone that benefits from male privilege. I am a white woman, and although I’m a woman, I sure as hell benefit from white privilege. There is no voiding system. You just have it. Claim it, recognize it’s bullshit, speak against it and move on.

I hate when I see people breastfeeding in public

I’m grossed out by unexpected exposure to the nudity of strangers and by the concept of something sucking liquid out of your body and I don’t want to see it or hear it.

But guess what?

That’s my problem. Not theirs.


If I have an issue I can turn away or leave the room.

They have the right to breastfeed their children wherever they want, whenever they want, wearing what they want for however long they see fit and I don’t have to like it but I sure don’t have the right to tell them they can’t or shouldn’t. People are allowed to do whatever the hell they want with their breasts and the only relevant opinion is their own.

CELEBRITY HATE (or, Can Anyone Give Me An Actual Reason to Hate Zooey Deschanel?)

Or any other person, celebrity or no that isn’t racist, sexist, or other kind of hateful?

Because I’m pretty sure that just because you don’t like someone’s art or image doesn’t give you the right to spew vitriolic hate.

How is Kim Kardashian’s marriage or how Justin Beiber sings a legitimate reason for you to say awful things about them? Is your life so boring that you have to be hateful to strangers? They’re people with jobs and lives. They’re not even like politicians, where if they’re elected you’re directly affected by their decisions. If you don't like their work then, hmm...I don't know, DON’T LISTEN TO THEM/SEE THEIR MOVIES/READ THEIR BOOKS. DUH.

How is it okay to talk trash about people you have never and will never know when they’ve given you no substantial reason?

*spoiler*

It’s not.

Being hateful to someone that you don’t know, who hasn’t given you a good reason other than their existence annoying you (which isn’t even a good reason) is counterproductive to every social movement rooted in positivity, respect, and equality. It’s not oppression by any means, but it is prejudice based on literally nothing and mindless hate.

Am I making a bigger deal out of this than a situation warrants? Probably.

But I see it this way; All of the causes I care most about are based on uplifting people and giving everyone an equal opportunity to be happy and healthy JUST THE WAY THEY ARE, whether it’s how they’re born or how they choose to live. As long as it’s not hurting others, who gives a crap? I don’t think that stops at sexual orientation or weight or race or gender. If someone’s idea of beauty is facelifts and plastic boobs, then that’s how they feel beautiful. If someone has made a “quirky” image for themselves (whether it’s how they really are or not, which you don’t know them so who do you think you are to say either way…) that you don’t like, that sounds like a personal problem to me.

GOOD GOD, PEOPLE.

Can we just talk about how an older women that young men find attractive is a “cougar” or “MILF” while men get to be just…men?

like, why do we have to separate it and be like, “ONLY these older women are attractive, and the rest are just old”? Why isn’t there some qualifier about how only THIS type of older man is attractive to younger women? Why are men somehow exempt from age related desexualization? Men get sexier and more mature and worldly and that’s desirable; they’re encouraged and cheered on for continuing sexual activities and given Viagra to enable them. But when a woman gets older she is no longer considered beautiful and her sexual desires are conditionalized or considered abnormal/fetishized.

This is ridiculous.

Problematic Porn Ponderings

I definitely consider myself a proponent of sex positivity and I think that the most important thing about sex positivity is enjoying fulfilling, healthy sexual relationships with oneself (if one chooses) and others. This doesn’t mean that one has to be in a relationship to have healthy, fulfilling sex and it doesn’t mean that kinks cannot be healthy sexual expression. However, I have a problem with the porn industry. Not because I think less of women who choose that career or that there is something inherently wrong with having sex on camera; What I take issue with has a lot to do with the violence promoted, the absurd ideas of sex that they perpetuate, the dehumanization, the physical and emotional abuse behind the scenes, the often illegal and exploitative means of getting women to participate (especially those women who are not “in” the industry or represented). I believe that most of these problems are so major because it is such a male dominated industry. I think that part of being a feminist is trying to equalize the number of women and men in charge in EVERY industry, and the porn industry seems in dire need of women to set limits on treatment, standards for what is acceptable, new cinematography and photography to satisfy niche markets and “kinks” without causing harm or abuse to actors and proper regulations to make sure no one on set is being bullied or intimidated.

Just some thoughts, after reading some essays and papers on the subject. I think that like everything, there is a right and wrong way to approach potentially problematic practices and it seems that not much is being done to right the awful wrongs occurring in the porn industry, especially when the worst problems created by it are saturating what is an overwhelmingly Porn-based culture in America.

Why This Graphic Is Bullcocky (& Implications of Girl-Hate)

Let’s dismantle this, shall we?

1) The fact that your best friend identifies as a man does NOT mean they are obligated to give up their clothing (Why didn’t YOU bring a jacket? Did you ever think…I don’t know..they might be cold as well?). A person’s gender does not make it their responsibility to stick up for you or carry you or give you things; BEING A GOOD FRIEND is what makes them WANT to do those things.

2) You CANNOT “steal” someone’s partner. The person in the relationship has to leave of their own volition, which means either the relationship is on the out to begin with or the person in the relationship is not worth a damn if they can’t reject outside interests and you’re better off. If someone goes after a person you are interested in in order to hurt you, they are a SHITTY FRIEND and this is true no matter gender. That’s WITHOUT the fact that this list is ridiculously heteronormative.

3) This operates on sweeping generalizations, which is often problematic. I have had more male “best friends” than female, but doesn’t mean that I was spared of spilled secrets, gossip, two-facedness or mood swings. Have you MET teenage boys? Grown men will tell you that they have had their bros do any number of those things. Being a SHITTY friend is NOT unique to one gender or the other, just as being a GOOD friend is not exclusively a one gendered trait. Which leads me to…

4) All of these imply that if your best friend is NOT a man, they will do the opposite of the bulleted points. This is not only harmful to women in general, but assuming that the person who made this ridiculous graphic was a female, it is an insult to the creator herself. If women do all of these horrible things, and you are a woman, then OP’s logic follows that the creator of this graphic is also a horrible friend. In which case, what guy would WANT you as a shitty best friend?

4) What bothers me most about these implications is how it encourages girls to hate one another. “Don’t be friend with girls!” it says. “Don’t trust other girls! Don’t Unite!” because GOD ONLY KNOWS what could happen if women united and supported one another against our globally oppressive culture. Women are pitted against each other both by men and by OURSELVES. The constant comparison makes us bitter and we SABOTAGE OUR OWN friendships because of this jealousy and silent war. It’s the CONSTANT internal criticism of other girls’ bodies and personalities and for what? What good does it do? WE DO NOT IMPROVE OURSELVES BY TEARING OTHER WOMEN DOWN. It makes YOU look bad when you do it and you are only undermining yourself and your interests both in your personal life and on a large scale.

I'm not ashamed of what I like, and you shouldn't be either

I enjoy black and white films and quirky indie flicks and I’m also a fan of Disney. I listen to Biggie Smalls and Weezer and Patsy Cline and Demi Lovato. I like pop with half of the lyrics consisting of the word “Baby” as well as Dylan and Cohen’s poetics. Like what you like and don’t be ashamed. There’s no such thing as bad taste, just different.

I hate hearing women say things that are decidedly anti-feminist, especially if they see themselves and present themselves as someone concerned with social politics. You are just re-inforcing the man that says, “Well my friend is a girl and she said _________” argument to silence woman voices.

"Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”

Margaret Atwood

My Definition of an "Artist"

I think that in terms of individual pieces, no one can tell you that what you’ve created isn’t good enough to be called “art”. I’m of the school of thought that proclaiming something as art makes it so, because from then on, the lens through which it is seen is affected by that statement. Do others have to agree with it? Not necessarily. But just the title has changed the situation entirely.

In my personal opinion, an Artist is a very different matter. You can create or create art and still not be an artist. To me, the title of artist is closer to or religion or philosophy or even some psychiatric condition in which the creation of art (be it visual, literary, performance, etc) is a continued demonstration of this kind of person, this mind. You cannot be an Artist if your life is not ruled by art/your art. Do you see the difference? Someone can create, but if their creations aren’t what consume and perpetuate their very life or what gives it a whole other level of understanding or meaning….I don’t personally see them as an artist. If they have lost that hunger, that lust for beauty and sadness and the complex things in life, they’re not an Artist. Being an Artist is not passive, and at the same time it’s not necessarily something better or worse than anything else. It’s not necessarily something to glorify or something that legitimizes you. It’s just something you ARE in every crevice of your being, something that compels you, and you may not even know it or be able to help it.

I'd like to share a passage that literally changed my life

I bet you’re expecting something deep or prosaic or poetic and while plenty of passages of those sort have had irrevocable effects on me, I can tell you right now this won’t be what you’re expecting. Introducing an excerpt from Tina Fey’s, “Bossypants”

“Amy Poehler was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the seventeenth-floor writers’ room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy “comedy bits” going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can’t remember what it was exactly, except that it was dirty and loud and “unladylike.”
Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, “Stop that! It’s not cute! I don’t like it.”
Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. “I don’t fucking care if you like it.” Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit. (I should make it clear that Jimmy and Amy are very good friends and there was never any real beef between them. Insert penis joke here.)
With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it.”

As a woman in Comedy, it’s sometimes rough being in a Boy’s Club. However, we’re all there for the same purpose: Improv. So the common love of the craft outweighs the annoyance at being cast as the slut or the ditz or the annoying girlfriend in a scene. That’s hard enough, though. When you take a Funny Girl out of the context and take a look at her everyday life is when things tend to get 100 times worse. To make a blanket statement of my experiences and that of every other comedienne I know, a lot of guys don’t like Funny Girls. We’re accused of being inappropriate or unladylike or dorky (the last one is an accusation I couldn’t care less about, but still). Often, guys (especially those who fancy themselves ‘class clowns’ as well) seem to feel threatened or unnerved. THEY’RE supposed to be the funny ones.

I was on a plane when I read this, and it turned my world on it’s head.

I’m a chick. I’m funny. And I don’t fucking care if you like it.

I’m not here for your entertainment or pleasure unless I’m performing, and when it comes to Improv, even that is more for me than it is for you. I’m going to say and do what I want because I find it amusing. If you don’t like my jokes, if you think I’m too loud or vulgar, that’s your problem.


I don’t fucking care if you like it.

How to Pick Up Women AND Be An Ally

It’s definitely a misconception that being a male feminist means not making a move on a woman. What is important is HOW and WHEN you make that move.

If a woman is averting her gaze, busying herself, turning away (i.e., if her body language is saying, “I’d like to be left alone”) then leering or approaching or commenting on her looks is a purposeful disregard for her feelings and right to be left alone. It’s an invasion and an assertion of your power over her. Likewise, if you are in a dark or isolated area. On the street or in a parking garage is not the place to try and pick up a woman; you are Schrodinger’s Rapist.

HOWEVER

If a woman is looking around, making eye-contact, has an open posture and demeanor, then it’s perfectly fine to introduce yourself. This is NOT a comment on her body or a ‘pick up line’. This is, “Hey, that’s a great book” or “Hi, I’m _____”

What is key here is paying attention to your surroundings, to her body language, and to the manner in which you approach her. Two great articles on picking up women in a non-threatening and actually really effective way can be found here and here. Believe it or not, feminists want to help you pick up women! In fact, we ARE the women that want to be picked up, a lot of the time. But we also want to feel safe and respected.

An Epiphany About "The One" & The Unexpected Peace That Followed

    It's no revolutionary statement to note the distinct differences between an unmarried male and an unmarried female. He's a playboy; this is something he's elected for himself. She, on the other hand, is an old maid that no man wants. Despite the obviously unequal connotations of these tropes (of which an entirely different essay can be written), they each have something in common; Both parties are somehow "deviating from the norm". They are the exception to the overwhelming rule of marriage, the lone wolves in the face of what one is supposed to want; A Great, Romantic, Lifelong Love.
    Not to say that kind of love isn't grand or worth wanting, just that in a day and age where 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single and 61% of single Americans have never been married, one might reasonably propose that not everybody has or even wants a "One". The very idea that it is necessary for adult happiness to find a perfectly matched life partner is one that was instilled in times where reproduction was the main goal in a life that hardly extended beyond the mid 30's.
    I'm not suggesting that anyone is wrong for hoping to find a One True Love or that it's unrealistic to find it. What I am suggesting is that maybe there isn't "someone for everyone", and more importantly, maybe that isn't a bad thing. The search for someone to be the eternal Ying to your Yang is exhausting and nerve-wracking unless you're lucky enough to find your soulmate before having thoroughly cleared puberty. The superhuman standards we often set in anticipation of our perfect partner often lead to varying levels of disappointment and the feeling that one has 'settled'. I don't want to feel the need to entertain an endless string of dull propositions during dates or settle for someone I don't genuinely care about for the fear that they'll be the best offer I get or that my life will be lacking without a long-term love.
    If the Love of your Life finds you, then go for it. But anxiously prepping for their arrival or chasing the obsession down rocky paths is going to cause you to waste the gift that you have now in actually living for yourself and the people that exist in your life presently. If we let go and stop desperately anticipating, measuring against others and trying to convince ourselves that "someone is out there for us" or that it's necessary to even HAVE a someone to have a fulfilled existence, the only pressure that's left is to satisfy the standards for a happy life that you have created yourself. Who says that the "One that's out there for you" isn't you? That you haven't already found your One? I may die having had a beautiful marriage, or several, or I may leave this world a sassy old bachelorette. But now that I realized how unimportant having a soulmate is, I can concentrate on the earth I inhabit and the beautiful people that exist in the present like family or may float in and out of my life like lovers and friends. Most importantly though, I know that I can always count on being able to cultivate my most important relationship; the one that I have with myself.

You're not an ACTUALLY feminist dude

if you go around saying things like,

“REAL women have curves!”

“I like girls better WITHOUT makeup!”

“Women who wax down there aren’t as sexy!”

“I actually prefer small boobs!”

“Women who get plastic surgery are so fake!”

When you doing this, you are literally just replacing one societal requirement for women to be worthy of desire with another, personalized one. It’s fine to have turn ons and turn offs. We all have them. But don’t announce them like you’re some revolutionary and women are now supposed to have an epiphany. Women aren’t suddenly going, “OH WOW GOOD THING YOU SAID THAT OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN HOW TO BE DESIRABLE.”

The fact that you feel the need to make a judgement on women’s beauty practices is distinctly anti-feminist, because you’re assuming that women need or want your input on how they groom or present themselves. We don’t need your approval. We don’t care about what you think is “cute”. We are going to do what is right for us. If that means waxing, getting a nose job, wearing makeup, then that’s what we’re going to do. If it means none of those things, that is what we are going to do. If you really want to be an ally to feminism, stop telling women that how they want to look is wrong.

What Is A Compliment? A Succinct Definition.

A compliment makes the receiver feel flattered, happy, more secure.

Harassment makes the receiver feel upset, threatened, anxious.

Therefore, it is partially the receiver’s reaction that determines wether something is harassment or a compliment, regardless of the giver’s intent.

That’s why shouting things to women on the street isn’t okay.

The Changeling by Russell Edson

A man had a son who was an anvil. And then sometimes he was an automobile tire.
I do wish you would sit still, said the father.
Sometimes his son was a rock.
I realize that you have quite lost boundary, where no excess seems excessive, nor to where poverty roots hunger to need. But should you allow time to embrace you to its bosom of dust, that velvet sleep, then were you served even beyond your need; and desire in sate was properly spilling from its borders, said the father.
Then his son became the corner of a room.
Don’t don’t, cried the father.
And then his son became a floorboard.
Don’t don’t, the moon falls there and curdles your wits into the grain of the wood, cried the father.
What shall I do? screamed his son.
Sit until time embraces you into the bosom of its velvet quiet, cried the father.
Like this? Cried his son as his son became dust.
Ah, that is more pleasant, and speaks well of him, who having required much in his neglect of proper choice, turns now, on good advice, to a more advantageous social stance, said the father.

But then his son became his father.
Behold, the son is become as one of us, said the father.
His son said, behold, the son is become as one of us.
Will you stop repeating me, screamed the father.
Will you stop repeating me, screamed his son.
Oh well, I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, sighed the father.
Oh well, I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, sighed his son.

Let me preface this that I realize I sound naive

But I entirely believe that if everyone genuinely made an effort to show love to one another, so many issues would unravel.

Sorry I haven't kept this up-to-date.

Updating now!

I hate the portrayal of athletic women as overly masculine

Even in a show like Glee, where they show Coach Beiste to identify and act in a feminine way, all of the jokes at her expense have something to do with her being “manly” or “butch”. Why do female athletes have to either overly sexualize themselves or accept the title of “Man-Ish”? Why can’t they just be WOMEN? Or maybe even PEOPLE?

Aaron Freeman “You Want A Physicist To Speak at your Funeral"

“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”

"That Girl"

It's problematic that I can't play an instrument. I have all of these lyrics and no way to put them to music except my own voice.

B*tches In Bookshops

B*tches In Bookshops


Read so hard librarians tryin' ta FINE me­,
They can't identify me,
Checked in with a pseudonym, so I guess you can say I'm Mark Twaining. 
Read so hard, I'm not lazy.
Go on Goodreads, so much rated. 
Fountainhead, on my just read, gave it four stars, and then changed it. 
Read so hard, I'm literary. 
Goosebumps series, TOO SCARY!

Animal Farm, Jane Eyre
Barnes & Nobles, Foursquare it
No TV, I read instead 
Got lotsa Bills, but not bread
BURROUGHS , GOLDING, SHAKESPEARE -- all dead

Read so hard, got paper cuts
On trains while you're playin' connect the dots 
All these blisters from turning pages 
Read so hard, I'm seeing spots 

Your Sudoku just can't compare
Nor Angry Birds cos lookit here
My Little Birds is getting stares 
(pause)
This print's rare.

Read so hard, I memorize, The Illiad... I know lines.
Watch me spit, classic lit, epic poems that don't rhyme.
War and Peace, piece of cake, read Tolstoy in 3 days.
Straight through, no delays.
Didn't miss a word. Not one phrase.

Read so hard librarians tryin' ta fineee me - That shit cray x 3
Read so hard librarians tryin' ta fineee me -- That shit cray x 3

He said Shea can we get married at the Strand 
His Friday Reads are bad so he can't have my hand 
You ball so hard, OK you're bowling 
But I read so hard, I'm JK Rowling 

That shit cray 
Ain't it, A? What you readin'?
AQ: DeMontaigne.
You use a Kindle? I carry spines. 
Supporting bookshops like a bra, Calvin Klein. 

Nerdy boy, he's so slow 
Tuesday we started Foucault
He's still stuck on the intro? He's a no go.
It's sad I had to kick him out my house though --
He Mispronounced an author - MARCEL PROUST 

Don't read in the dark
I highlight with markers
While laying in the park
And wearing Warby Parkers
Marriage Plot broke my heart 
And it made me read Barthes 
I special ordered a 
A softcover not hard- HUAH?AHEHA?! 

Read so hard libraries tryin' ta fine me x 2

I am now marking my place
Don't wanna crease on my page
Don't let me forget this page
Don't let me forget this page
I may forget where I left off so I'll use this little post it...
I hope it doesn't fall out, I hope that it stays stickie... 

I am now marking my place
Don't wanna crease on my page
Don't let me forget this page
I got bookmarks at home
But I forgot one for the road
AQ: I got a bookmark I can loan
La Shea: Know how many bookmarks I own?

I am now bookmarking my page x3
Don't let me forget this PAGE....

I'm sorry if I seem overly sensitive about this

and it’d be different if it weren’t so insulting and uncomfortable and making me remember things that have happened to me before, such as groping and stalking. I got ice cream and the guy said, “You have pretty eyes!” and I said, “Thanks!” and it was fine. He wished me a nice evening when I left a little later. That’s friendly. That’s a compliment. But it makes me feel trapped and horrible when strange guys say something sexual, unwarranted and inappropriate in public. It’s even worse when they’re just LEERING, because then I look crazy if I’m like “Stop.” There is a SIGNIFICANT difference between flirting and leering. 

FLIRTING IS: Eye contact, smile, glancing, sticky eyes, playful, respectful, paying attention to if she is rigid or if she is smiling back

HARASSMENT IS: Staring for prolonged amounts of time, getting closer, touching, continuing to try and get her attention, licking your lips, etc when she is continually trying to ignore you, following.

The difference is VAST to a women. 

*edit* The difference is vast to ANYONE dealing with this.

Today I was told, once again, "You'd look prettier if you smiled, sexy!"

And while that is certainly the most mild catcall I've gotten in a while...No. Just No. I am tired of the leering and staring and clicking and groping and "HEY GIRL" and "sweetie" and all of this. NO. STOP.
For one thing, I didn't ask if you thought I was pretty. I am not here to be 'pretty' for you. I am not here for your opinion. I'm getting coffee. Black. Because if I don't get some sort of caffeine soon, I am liable to turn back and give you a piece of my mind.
I am not here, walking down a public street, to provide aesthetic pleasure. Go to a damn museum.
I am MOST CERTAINLY not here for you to touch. And I am not an animal that will come with a click or a whistle or a call.
This is not about having a conversation. If that were it you'd ASK me about something you can't SEE and you'd wait for an answer.
This is not about giving a compliment. A compliment is respectful and meant to make the other person feel better without expecting gratitude or favors. A compliment is respectful. NOT proclamations of what you'd like to do to me, not yells out of cars. You CANNOT claim a walk-by or drive-by call as a compliment. You saw me for .5 seconds from a distance! How would you even know what I look like?? That has nothing to do with "complimenting", it's a way to do something to me that you know I can't respond to because you're off at 40 MPH or I'm in a rush. It's a public place and then look bad for making a scene (because you know, that's what overly emotional, weak, sensitive WOMEN do, right? Must have PMS or something, right?)
If you were TRULY interested in me or wanted to get to know me, you wouldn't be a coward and say something that you know I could never or would never respond positively to. No, you're too afraid of being rejected by a woman, of not looking 'like a man' or being 'friendzoned'. YOU'RE AFRAID. So instead, you make me helpless. And if you're a real jerk, you follow me or leer or breathe down my neck on the bus and make ME afraid to make yourself feel better.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
THERE ARE NO EXCUSES OR EXCEPTIONS TO STREET HARASSMENT. The way I walk, the way I dress, how I look, or my gender do not give you permission.
There will NEVER, EVER be a situation where street harassment is okay. I don't care what excuse you have. In American culture, a Misogynist culture, a rape culture, it is not okay. Those are the conditions women in America are living in, and you HAVE to respect that.
You don't know if the woman you are calling at is lesbian or asexual, or a victim of sexual abuse or stalking or suffering from PTSD that will be triggered. You don't think about her as a person or her life or her past. If you're a white man saying this to a Woman of Colour, it's worse. You don't realize that she is a victim of exotification and oppression and made to fear for herself daily and you don't care that you're making it worse. That's just it. You don't care about anything but what YOU want to do in that moment; feel powerful.
The good news is? It's never too late to stop and change your ways. And you'd better. Because I'm done. Because I'm calling you out. You can call me cold or call me a bitch or whatever you want, but I am not taking this anymore, because if I can stop you from doing it to ONE other women because I bite back, it'll be worth it.

Look How You Like

    You often hear people (girls in particular) who look "different" decrying appearance based bullying and asserting their right to feel beautiful and comfortable in their skin. They have nothing but positivity in supporting other girls who love themselves and their bodies and who want to look different than is what is promoted in mass media. They love their bodies in their natural state, or at least are trying to. And that's great. 
    But it's unfortunate that in my experience I have found that many (though not all) of those same, "I'm beautiful the way I am"/"altgirl" promoters are some of the first ones to respond negatively to girls who do  prescribe to the thin, tan, straight haired beauty standard. GOD FORBID someone decides to get plastic surgery to enhance or change anything or else deal with the distasteful cries of "plastic!" and "fake!"
    What these particular people don't seem to understand is that it's this behavior that is JUST as harmful as calling someone names because their thighs touch and their hair is blue. Moreover, it is extremely counterproductive to the very "accept all types of beauty" ideology they toute so persistently.
    Everyone deserves to look the way that they want to look without being persecuted for it, and it really is no one's place to set one standard of beauty or appearance as better, worse, or more legitimate than any other. As for plastic surgery? One wouldn't lambast someone for deciding to lose weight or for dying their hair. Plastic surgery does not give anyone a free pass to ridicule the person who got it. Just as no one has the authority to tell you to change how you look, no one has the authority to give you flack because you did decide to make the personal decision to change the way you look. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but that doesn't mean that the beholder has any authority to make someone else feel inferior.
    I feel that especially in a world where both trans and ciswomen deal with ridicule and degradation based on our appearance  and approved stereotypes, so much of our approval is based on the say that others have on our looks, we need to show one another as much love as possible. Bullies come in many forms, and there is no reason to make someone feel horrible about how they look.

Pop Addictions

Music junkie that I am, I have a soft spot for bubblegummy pop. Of course to balance that out, I've got an older but edgy song.



Carlie Rae Jepsen "Call Me Maybe"



Metric "Help, I'm Alive"

Impromptu Piece

I inhabit

the lifetimes that live in

shared seconds with strangers

where the girl with my same

book becomes a confidante

and the blind man in passing

becomes a provider of

sagacious wisdom over weekly coffee

and from locked eyes

the chocolate haired boy

leaves some crumpled bills

on the table and rushes over

to ask my name.

Rather, a slight nod,

a ducked glance

or pinkening face prevails.

I would almost rather never notice

these minute splendors of strangers

than to constantly fleetingly fall

in love with their humanity. 

Seen & Not Heard

    I've been as opinionated as my parents for as long as I can remember. I come from two highly charged, very stubborn, progenitors. I was never entirely sure why they got together in the first place; besides the common familial dysfunction and impoverished background, they were almost complete opposites in both personality and beliefs. In spite the typical problems that plagued a very young marriage with very small children, I blamed the divorce on my perception of their inability to just stop fighting. Even though it was an act of incredible strength for my mother to leave, for a long time I blamed her for not just toughing it out and making it work.
    While being home schooled for the majority of my elementary years by my mother and her promotion of self-education and individuality was great for my intellectual development, it only encouraged my stalwart views and irrepressible quirkiness. These qualities were embraced by my mother, but preteens didn't have the same appreciation. The adjustment to middle school was rough. After being bullied about it (among other things), not only did I stop talking about my beliefs and opinions, I started pretending to agree with the opposite to fit in. More accurately, I just shut up. I was made to be so ashamed of having thoughts on the world around me and beliefs of what was right and wrong, so afraid to be called names because of what I thought and that I thought at all, because I disagreed with the ignorance and disrespect that was status quo around me, I just caved. Inwardly, I just hated myself more.
    I was lucky enough to enter an Arts high school where people were more accepting of my eccentricity. The bullying stopped. I was enthusiastic to be in a place where intellectual, political and philosophical discourse were largely welcome. However, in social situations I was still very careful to show restraint. As has always been fairly typical in high school, it's never been cool to care.
    A different kind of pressure became imminent at this point; for the first time, I became noticed in a romantic way by a select few boys. This became a weight almost as large as the bullying had been before; if I did the right things, it could be great...but there was the potential to screw up if I didn't stay cool. Don't be sensitive. Don't be stupid. Gropes and jokes and kitchen humor weren't a big deal; no one else was offended. Why did it bother me so much? It had been drilled into me by boys, other girls, older men and women, and every piece of media that I had ever encountered, that if I wanted to be liked by the opposite sex I needed to be mysterious. Attractive. I needed to “lure” them in with my silence. In other words, loud, opinionated girls weren't cute.
    At 15, one of my first heartbreaks was because I broke this rule (I wasn't catholic. And I wouldn't have sex with him. Go figure.) No matter how much I wanted to see things his way, subscribing to views that completely opposed everything I felt true in my gut weren't okay and I couldn't make them be. So, after feeling like I ruined everything by being overly sensitive and uncooperative, the silence continued. With my next boyfriend, I was fortunate enough to be in a relationship where discussions and debates were open. We could agree or agree to disagree on most things, but when I broached topics such as double standards within the relationship and gender related issues and stereotypes, things got uncomfortable. When I pointed out the overt sexism that made itself present in social situations with friends, communication broke down. Again, the message was clear: good girls stay quiet.
    I have only recently started the process of convincing myself that not only is being a woman and embracing that this is okay. I can be proud of it. Though it requires a mental vigilance, I am rewiring the instinct to endure internal disquiet in silence and to keep my opinions to myself around men. The right men (the right people in general) will be attracted to someone who stands for themselves and what they believe in. I don't always believe that, but I have to reassert that it's true; There is nothing wrong with me or with asserting my rights when others are attempting to silence them. No one should have to be afraid to tell someone that they don’t think the treatment they are being told to endure is wrong or be afraid of backlash that might result. Though it seems fairly simple to say that, it’s not something we, as a people, have adhered to. I will always be ashamed for not standing up for my right to have opinions and for not defending my beliefs as I was growing up, but the only way to mend that is to not make the same mistakes.
    The more I educate myself on issues having to do with various isms, the more I find it not only right, but imperative that I call others out on their ignorance and insensitivities, assert the truth, and constantly re-evaluate my thoughts and recognize oppressive behavior in others and myself. I hope help generate awareness for the various types of hatred that manifest themselves in the world, society and (though no one likes to admit it) some types of hatred that have become wrongly inherent within ourselves.
    I don't claim to have some terrible life or to be some helpless victim (I wouldn't disrespect what my parents did for me or try to ignore my privilege in that way). I am a fairly average straight, white, ciswoman. I just hope that in relaying my experience, I show younger people like me that there is something very wrong with the social environment that I and countless others have grown up in. I don't want my little sister, in Jr. High and newly thirteen, to think that a society that hates demonstrations of knowledge, of difference, that tells its women to be quiet, mild, apathetic, mediocre and unassuming, does not need to be challenged or changed.

Dear, "Nice Guys",

    "Nice Guys Finish Last" is stupid. Stop saying it. I promise, you do not want to be the guy referenced in that phrase.

    Why?

    Because if you are only nice to a girl because you want to have sex with her, you are NOT A NICE GUY. And more often than not, it is THAT kind of "Nice Guy" that you hear saying this. If you're pissed off women for not giving you what you "deserve" or feel "entitled to", then you're probably not at all as nice as you like to think yourself to be.

    Just because you are treating a girl like you would treat any other decent human being/friend does not mean that she is obligated to have sex with you. Or date you. You should treat a friend like a friend, regardless of the kind of genitals she has. You're usually friends with someone because you like spending time with them, not because of what they can do for you.

    If a women is treating you like crap and you still stick around, that doesn't make you "nice" either. It makes you a doormat. If she's using you then she isn't a good friend either. If your guy-friend treated you like crap, you wouldn't stick around. Being "friends" with a woman that treats you like crap just because you're hoping to get in her pants doesn't make you "nice". It makes her someone that a truly nice guy shouldn't date anyway because a truly nice guy should respect women and respect himself.

Why I Never Wanted To Be A Feminist

I was always one to deny the term, "feminism" in relation to myself.
While I considered myself to be educated advocate for equality, I wanted to separate myself from "feminists" because in my mind and in the mind of popular culture, the label referred to radical extremists who took things personally, discounted the oppression of POC and treated men as if they were evil animals. However, now that I look back I think that while that reasoning was a part of it, an equal if not bigger part of my rejection was the deeply rooted distrust I had of women as a whole.

I was always threatened by other women, and I still feel that way. Not necessarily in the normal ways (their looks or success, though I think EVERYONE has those insecurities) but because I was, like many girls, the target for cattiness and teasing from other girls and felt generally more at home with guys as a result. This turned into my joining the "girls are stupid" mentality of 10 year old boys and though I have long since stopped wearing boys' shoes, playing wall ball, seeing men as solely platonic and sneering at the girls who all went to the bathroom together (that's a lie, I still don't get the group peeing phenomenon) I think that part of my detestation of the idea I had of feminists was largely influenced by my residual disdain for females in general. Admittedly, I am probably still more quick to judge and shorter in patience with women.

However, when I started to get really in depth in my self education and advocacy of anti-racism, I started thinking more broadly about the nature of oppression in general. And, ironically, it was really in the study of the oppressive idea of masculinity that I started finding my feminism. It was a weird (and somewhat sad) twist that it was the male feminists I listened to and spoke with that changed my ideas about who really made up the feminist population. Though I still refer to my beliefs in terms of equality in general and find an upsetting amount of white identifying as feminists insensitive to POC and specifically WOC, I no longer take issue with recognizing that my beliefs are, in general, feminist. Or at least, I'm more comfortable inhabiting my womanhood. I wouldn't be offended or think twice about being called anti-racist or an ally to the LGBTQIA community so why should it make me feel indignant when people call my beliefs feminist? I want equality and to fight against oppression for myself, other women, people of color, the LGBTQIA community, the disabled, and anyone else who is trying to live a full life in the face of a dominant culture that pushes their concerns aside. I'll never be ashamed of that.

“It is curious, but till that moment I had never realized what it means to destroy a healthy, conscious man. When I saw the prisoner step aside to avoid the puddle, I saw the mystery, the unspeakable wrongness, of cutting a life short when it is in full tide. This man was not dying, he was alive just as we were alive. All the organs of his body were working — bowels digesting food, skin renewing itself, nails growing, tissues forming — all toiling away in solemn foolery. His nails would still be growing when he stood on the drop, when he was falling through the air with a tenth of a second to live. His eyes saw the yellow gravel and the grey walls, and his brain still remembered, foresaw, reasoned — reasoned even about puddles. He and we were a party of men walking together, seeing, hearing, feeling, understanding the same world; and in two minutes, with a sudden snap, one of us would be gone — one mind less, one world less.”

George Orwell

I can't be any kind of involved with a guy who doesn't read

So much of my personality, my sentimentalism, my nostalgia, my curiosity, my eccentricity, my reoccurring  hermitism, my addiction to knowledge and pathetically overempathetic nature are all things that derived from my lifelong relationship with books. If you don’t read, then you literally won’t understand anything about me, and will probably be frustrated.

"i’m a murderer by indirect contact 
and by consent but not love"

Saul Williams

Why I Do Not Support Ron Paul

• Take a look at this @RP_Newsletter
• He’s been publishing racist and homophobic newsletters that used fear mongering and conspiracy theories such as an impending ‘race war’ to manipulate people into giving him money for years, and though now he acts like he had no idea (even if that was true, it’s idiotic to sign your name to a newsletter that not only you didn’t write, but that you didn’t supposedly read or agree with) he clearly did. 
• More here, here, and here. 
• He wants to pull out of the freaking United Nations, partly because he thinks the International Baccalaureate program is some kooky mind control.
• He thinks Church and State shouldn’t be separated (“The notion of a rigid separation between church and state has no basis in either the text of the Constitution or the writings of our Founding Fathers.”)Because apparently Jefferson (“I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibit the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.”) is not a founding father. Or Madison (“The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries.”)
• He wants to ENABLE big corporations by banishing the minimum wage (“It would help the poor people who need jobs. Minimum wage is a mandate. We’re against mandates so why should we have it? It would be very beneficial.”)
• He is against equal pay for women (“The concept of equal pay for equal work is not only an impossible task, it can only be accomplished with the total rejection of the idea of the voluntary contract. The idea that a businessman must hire anyone and is prevented from firing anyone for any reason he chooses, and in the name of rights, is a clear indication that the basic concept of a free society has been lost.”)
• He is against the ENTIRETY of Planned Parenthood, an organization which gives reduced and free family planning services, birth control, and relational therapy opportunities. 
• He wants to eliminate the Estate tax (which would help the rich avoid taxes since it only counts towards inherited money worth a MILLION dollars or more)
• He wants to cut the corporate tax rates
• He wants to eliminate birthright citizenship 
• He wants to take back the Panama Canal   (WHAT??)
• He’s deluded into thinking that there is a war on Christianity in America (Because it’s not like there’s a zillion foot tall Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center every year, and we totally like to punish Christians for praying in schools and going to Ash Wednesday. And the Pledge of Allegiance doesn’t have “Under God” anymore, because you KNOW how America hates Christians! Wait…)
• He opposes the Americans with Disabilities Act
• He’s against the CIVIL RIGHTS ACT.
• He’s against rights for any minority groupings
• He wants to go back to the Gold Standard, which, even Winston Churchill said it was the stupidest thing he ever did. 
• He supports authoritarianism on a state and local level
• He wants to leave us at the mercy of the unchecked, unregulated corporation
• Did I mention that apparently if you’re sexually harassed, Ronny thinks it’s your fault and you should get another job?

Lovely

Sorry for the lacking posts. Take a listen to Hunter Hooligan; he is extremely talented both as a singer and writer. You'll want to keep an eye out for this kid.
The Original:

Dreamers by Hunter Hooligan
The video:

Another Track:

No, No by Hunter Hooligan

12 hour shoot for The Lying Game left me pooped

no post tonight <3

Reason #2,642 to Not Vote For Rick Santorum

He's Racist. Period.

#Neutral Milk Hotel Appreciation Blog

Soft and sweet,
let me hold it close and keep it here
with me.

One of my favorite moments in the history of music.

Why Black People Can't Be Racist

Jerry Lavigne, Jr. "Why Black People Can’t Be Racist"


Before anyone tries to argue, just watch the video.

He’s not saying that A person that identifies as black cannot be racist. Anyone can be racist by just believing in a certain doctrine. Racism is the, “belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”

THE POINT IS that racism is CHARACTERIZED by oppression. Even if any single or even a group of black people are racist, there is no real way that they can hurt another race substantially. In American, the majority of their race has no means, no ownership, no power. Just watch; you’ll agree by the end of it.

"Pro-War People: Stop pretending you love God"

Credit

January 2nd, 2012